People expect you to be wacky . They want to take a picture with their family and they say "Smile" and you say "I am smiling." They expect you to be on and crazy . No . I do that sometimes onstage and other times ... no . Other times people will come up and tell you some nasty joke and go , "Use it." Really ? That's a great place for your grandmother to keep her teeth . What ? I can't use that joke . The great thing about walking around New York , especially looking like Saddam Hussein's stunt double , is people don't make a lot of eye contact .
How about with family ?
Years ago , I was reading a story to my daughter and I was doing voices and everything and she turned to me and said , "Just read the story . And stick to the main points."
There's a pervasive theory that when you're doing serious roles ---
I grow a beard .
Exactly . And then you are clean shaven for the comedies .
No . It's not true . Sometimes the bread works , sometimes it doesn't . It depends . I can grow this bread in whatever time it takes to leave here and walk down the street .
We see a lot of celebrities with substance-abuse issues . Why ?
I think celebrity itself is a drug . There's that whole thing ... it comes and goes . Now with tweeting and Facebook , it's like cyber-crack . Withdrawal from celebrity is an interesting thing . You see people going , "I'm not as famous . Oh man , what am I gonna do ? "Steal some jewelry , Lindsey . That helps."
Is addiction the price of fame , or is it the price of talent ?
It's the price of drugs actually . Most ot the time with drugs , if you're famous , they give them to you . It's good for business to say they get you high .
Is it harder to be funnier when you are older ?
[In an old-man voice] You ... try ... to ...stay ... funny . [In announcer voice] "Ladies and gentlemen , tonight we're going to talk about ...shit ... oh , memory." Actually , Mort Sahl is amazing funny and still has everything going on all cylinders . And being with Jonathan Winters is still pretty wonderful .[Winters died in 2013]. You see these guys like Mort or Rickles ... that's what keep them going , that's their survival . They still have it . They're still funny . That's what keeps them alive .
Billy Crystal has said that standup is how comedians process things that are painful .
I was thinking the other day about Tourette's syndrome , where you say whatever is in your subconscious . Why is it always dark things ? Is there a nice side to your subconscious ? "I really like you . I just want to pet you . In a nice way ." Why can't we look for the positive id ? The id is always .
Glaargarg ... you wanna do thaaat ." But we won't get into that . We'd have to reboot .
You are unique among comedians in that you haven't written a book .
Nope . I hope not to.
You hope not to ?
Especially autobiography . I just don't have the discipline to do it . The learning somewhat . But I don't have the discipline to really sit down and write a book . Maybe we'll cut to five years from now ... "I'm here with my new book . So That's the way you like it," But I don't think so .
Thanx to ---Belinda Luscombe
