Angelina Jolie has been "caught cheating" on Brad Pitt , claims In Touch, which, by Gossip Cop's count , has been wrong about 8,037 consecutive times .
But rarely has the tabloid had so much fun be so wrong !
It seems Jolie is a sexual monster with insatiable appetites , and In Touch claims Pitt's having trouble keeping pace.
"According to a friend of the couple , the once-conservative Brad has to reajust in many ways in order to accommodate Angelina's powerful desires," explains the magazine . "From accompanying her on kinky shopping sprees to indulging in sexual role-playing games."
Oh my !
Unfortunately for Pitt , says In Touch , Jolie "harbors strong bisexual desires" and "has flings with other women" behind Brad's back.
Double oh my !
The so-called "friend" alleges Jolie has " a string of female lovers that she hooks with from time to time ," sometimes, apparently , at the Roosevelt Hotel in Los Angeles , where an "insider" claims Jolie sometime reserves a room there for "just a few hours."
Wow ... so who is these women in these alleged tryst ?
(Crickets)
Hmm . How about snapshots of Hollywood's most paparazzi-pursued woman allegedly checking into the hotel ... repeatly ...along ?
(Crickets)
Um , so what do the tab have to back up its claim that Lolie is regularly cheating on pitt with other women ?
How about four (4) sidebar items , each more ridiculious than the last ?
One of them screams , "She's never hidden her attraction to women ," and shows Jolie embracing other women in public ...women like Queen Noor of Jordan , whose cheek Jolie is seen kissing back in 2004 .
Gossip Cop had no idea the polite peck with Queen Noor of Jordan actually signaled Jolie's bisexual promisculty.
Another item features quotes from Jenny Shimizu . a former Jolie lover who "finds it hard to believe that she could ever settle down with just one man." This would be interesting , except that Shimizu's supposed involvement with Jolie came during Bill Clinton first term as President ...fifteen-years ago.
Then In Touch goes visual again , with photographs of Jolie in provocative poses over the years . The shots are meant to illustrate how "Jolie was always very sexual from a young age," but actually just serve to show how In Touch has nothing better to provide than desades-old photos that have nothing to do with Jolie allegedly cheating on Brad Pitt in 2011.
Finally, the magazine asks , "Is she too close to her assistant ?"
Sure , Jolie's assistant is married with a child , acknowledges In Touch . But she's "more than just an employee," and shares a "close friendship" with her boss , according to a so-called "insider."
Sign ! Seriously ?
In Touch has somehow gone from a cover blaring , "Angelina Caught Cheating " to talking about how she's friends with her assistant .
It's pathetic , ev en by the magazine's low standards.
Thanks Ladies,
ReplyDeleteI always wondered if those rag mags was telling the truth.
Now I know they will print anything for the almighty buck.
Shame,shame, shame.